Thoughts
by Rin-Trash
Summary: Each chapter features different characters and their thoughts.


Azula had pent up rage. She hated the world, and the world hated her. All she'd wanted in life was to have some love from her parents, she did everything for it, she'd sacrificed her life to become the perfect daughter. Yet she still wasn't love. She was used like any other soldier. She hated it. She hated her parents, she hated her family.

There was Ty Lee and Mai. Her friends. She was never sure if they considered her that or just they're tyrant boss. Mai was always depressing, Ty Lee hyper reactive. Opposites to each other. And she was... Angry.

It came to a point where she was conscious that it was eating her up inside. That she was only rage. She had no love left in her. It had been flushed away by a wave of indifference from her family. And the worst part was the fact that no one cared. No one cared that she had been consumed by hate, that she had no compassion, no happiness, no love. They just hated her back and used her.

The one person she could even consider having any sort of feeling for except for hate was Ty Lee. They'd known each other since they're early childhood. She'd never gave up on her, but Azula had given up on the world. She let herself be used and hated. She felt like some how she must of deserved it, maybe she had a evil past life.

But Ty Lee stayed with her, traveled with her, became a subordinate just so that she could stick around her. In a way, Azula appreciated it. She felt deep down that if she didn't have her hope with her, if she didn't have Ty Lee, she would of probably snapped by now. Maybe Ty Lee realized that she had weakness inside her.

But her friends had betrayed her, and she finally did snap. She felt as if she was loosing her mind. She had nothing, really, nothing in the world to live for. She had her rage, her hate, her anger to live with as she slowly broke down. All she wanted was some love, but everyone, really everyone, had turned on her. She had no friend, no ally. Just her hate.

She'd always had one wish. One simple wish. She had only ever wished for some love. She wanted someone wouldn't fear her, wouldn't hate her, someone who would care. If such a person existed, it would of been the most precious thing to her in the world.

Maybe the fact that she knew her own mother preferred her brother to herself had started this madness. To know that you weren't equally loved by your own mother. Maybe it was the fact that she'd always been used by her father. Maybe it was the fact that Zuko received love when she didn't. Maybe the fact that Ty Lee had only followed her in fear, not in true friendship. Maybe the fact that Mai hated her.

She truly wished she'd never existed. She hated her life. She despised herself, her hate, her weakness. When a spark of hope appeared, her stubbornness would push it away and she could only deepen her hate for herself, for the world. People tried, but none could get past her hate to her true, broken, self. No one realized that she was just a fragile girl.

She had a low self esteem induced by the lack of love, she could only put up a facade, make people believe she was strong and happy. But the acting took control and changed her. She knew she was weak, so she continued faking. Continued trying to be accepted, to be loved. Yet it never worked. She was trying so hard but no one wanted her.

She knew that Ty Lee had gotten a glimpse of her weakness in the past. She even wondered if she could open up to the girl, rid herself of her fake personality for just a minute, and talk to her. Tell her how she felt. How broken she was. How much she longed for some love. How she just wanted to be accepted, wanted for who she truly was.

Yet she was unable to speak up. Unable to tell Ty Lee, her trusted friend, about the pain she'd been suffering her hole failed to tell her how much she was disgusted by herself, how much she wished for affection, how she yearned for happiness but was always antagonized, hated, loathed.

She was a fragile, unstable, vulnerable and flawed girl who had relied on hatred, rage and resentment for too long. So long that is consumed her hole. It took her over, making her hostile and dangerous. A danger to all. She was just another beast. A monster.

She was reduced to just that. A beast. A creature that feasted on hate, that was repulsed by affection. A lower animal, a monstrosity, varmint, a fiend. She was treated as a wild animal. A sadistic barbarian that needed to be locked up.

She sometimes wondered who she really was. Was she really the weak girl trying to keep up a facade ? Was she that brute that was only satisfied when all hated her ? She was lost. She didn't know who she was. She could no longer tell. She needed help, guidance, some one to tell her how to make things better. How she could finally earn her happiness.

She even came to wonder what happiness was. She wondered if it was like people described it. Was it really a state where you had no worries, no hate, no rage, just peace of mind. A state of bliss and contentment. She wondered what it'd be like. She'd always longed for happiness, but she didn't even know what it felt like.

She wondered about love too. What is was like to feel appreciated and cherished by some one. What it was like to be affectionate with someone, mutual respect, some tenderness. But she could only wish to feel it. She could only long and aspire to one day be able to feel it.

It sometimes surprised her that at only fifteen she'd never felt anything other girls her age did, she was surprised that she only had her pent up rage and lack of love. She'd wanted to grow up like a normal girl, enjoy life, maybe date. But she was a fifteen year old who'd already had a mental breakdown.

But the hole thing had worsened at her friends betrayal. She knew Mai wasn't the most trustworthy, but she felt like she couldn't forgive Ty Lee. She'd tried to tell her, had show her weakness, had invited her to become closer friends but yet betrayed her. She truly had nothing left.

The lack of things to live for only worsened her rage. She was messy, angry and detested all. She loathed anything and everything that came into her sight. She even lost to a simple water-bender. She felt her insides burning up. She couldn't give in. But she wanted to.

She wanted to give up, and in a way she had. She was locked up in a mental institute. Left to herself. To confront her fears. But it only made matters worse. She had more time to reflect on how much she disliked herself, how much she detested herself. She tried to find excuses. Haunted by a mother who ignored her.

Becoming Fire Lord would be a temporary solution. Admired by the Fire Nation would hopefully make her feel loved. Yet everyone stood in her way. Her hate had even made her mother wish she'd loved her more. She hated it. She didn't want her pity, she didn't want her to regret. She simply was desperate for love and acceptance.

But at east she was now roaming free in the Earth Kingdom. Aimlessly discovering the world. A dirty princess dressed in rags, caring her hate across the landscape. Wishing someone would reach out to her. Look past her angry face. Look past her hateful personality. Look past her terrible past.

Someone who'd look deep inside her and see that fragile girl and love her.


End file.
